A Just Verdict

Mrs. Murphy turned to her husband. "Now that my mother’s gone and left us, what sort of tombstone would we be getting her: a plain one or something more elaborate," she asked.

Her husband looked thoughtful before saying, "Well, something good and heavy, darlin’."

Come Again!

Did you hear that Dennis enlisted in the 34th Regiment because he wanted to be near his brother who’s in the 33rd?

The Facts of It

"Do you know Ryan?"

"I know him well."

"Can a person believe what he says?"

"Yes and no, I’ve found that when’s he’s telling the truth, you can believe him. But when he lies, you have no confidence in him at all."

What Else?

"Pat, why in the world do you drink so much?"

"Well, it’s this way, your honor. I eat onions to kill the smell of the whiskey and then I have to drink more whiskey to kill the smell of the onions."
 
 
 

Editor’s note: This quarter’s jokes were courtesy of Stewart E. Ryan, Worcester, Mass.