| Irish Wit
The Tip Always Works
By Michael Farrelly
The top pitchmen in New York City were back from the Jersey Shore. They'd
pitched "joints," as pitchman referred to the products they sold, all summer
from Asbury Park to the Steel Pier at Atlantic City. Mostly the "joints"
they worked were of little use to the buyer, when she got them home. Pitchmen
were always surprised when a moocher (a customer) would say between demonstrations,
"That ironing board cover I picked up from you in Atlantic City, works
great." He'd try not to look too amused and say, "I'm glad, come back again,
and tell your friends."
The reason that the merchandise deceived people was that the demonstrator
"joint," was "gaffed"-- altered to look good on demonstration. They were
known as "Larry joints," or "Larry's," in the pitch game, named after a
famous Brooklyn pitchman, named Larry. He got a kick out of fixing useless
products, "gaffing" them for demonstration...and it was more profitable,
as well. There were some more returns, but most people were too busy to
be bothered returning the "Larry joint."
Today, to start a week of demonstrations, in a new location, I was pitching
a useful product, the furniture polish. I’d always started out on the first
day of a demonstration, with a genuine product, to relax the store manager
and salesclerks. Later in the week, I'd switch to pitching "Larry Joints.
As I began the pitch, a tall elderly lady came off the escalator. She looked
elegant, dressed, in black, as she stood at the back of the tip.
I started out, "Ladies and gentlemen, just five drops of this lovely
furniture polish, will polish a whole grand piano. Imagine that. But, not
only that....," I continued. After a couple of minutes, I noticed a well-dressed
gentleman wearing a camelhair coat, at the back of the tip. He had a $50
bill in his hand. I immediately interrupted my spiel long enough to say,
"Ladies and gentlemen, would you all move in closer, please."
Turning to face the gentleman holding the money, I said, "Yes sir, I
do have change of $50," to let the tip know, that important-looking people
were waiting to buy the polish. When I came near to the "close" of the
demonstration, as I was starting to "turn the tip " I saw that the lady
in black had a $10 bill, in her gloved hand.
As I paused, she said, in a commanding voice," Young man, I never purchase
anything at demonstration" -- she spoke with Saxon seriousness --"I attend
only for the entertainment, but today, because I can trust an Irishman,
I'll have two bottles of your fine furniture polish, please."
I responded gratefully and said, "Madam, ‘tis very good of you to speak
so kindly, about my countrymen. And I'm honored that you will use our fine
furniture polish in your lovely Manhattan home." And so as to prepare her
for the days when I'd be pitching Larry's, as I gave her back her change,
I leaned towards her and said seriously, just loud enough for the lady
in black to hear, "But remember, madam, you cannot always trust an Irishman."
 
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