Paddy Faces Up to Saddam 

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering how to bug George W. Bush even more  when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice  said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am  ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" 

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, there is  myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the  entire dart  team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. 

 "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to  move on my command." 

 "Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" 

 Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is  still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment  would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a  bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." 

  Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and  14,000 armored personnel carriers. I've increased my army to one million  since we last spoke." 

 "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." 

 Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still  on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan''s  ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and  four boys from  the Shamrock pub have joined us as well!" 

 Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell  you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My  military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile  sites, and since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" 

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." 

 Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.  Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm  sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"  "Well," said Paddy, "We've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and  there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."